Once upon a time all the trees went out to anoint a king over them. And they said to the Olive, “Come, and be king over us!” But the Olive said to them, “Shall I give up my fat, by which both God and men are honored to go to be uprooted and float about and wave above the trees?”
So, the trees said to the Fig, “Come you, be king over us!” And the Fig said to them, “Shall I give up my sweetness and my good produce to go to be uprooted and float about and wave above the trees?”
And the trees said to the Vine, “Come you, be king over us!” And the Vine said to them, “Shall I give up my wine which brings joy to God and men and go to be uprooted and float about and wave above the trees?”
Then, all the trees said to the Thornbush, “Come you, King us!”[i] And the Thornbush said to the trees, “If, in truth, you anoint me to king over you, Go! seek refuge in my shade. And if not, may fire travel out from the Thornbush and eat up the Cedars of Lebanon!”
This is, of course, a bad but very literal translation of Jotham’s Fable. In Judges 9 we learn that Jotham is the only son of Gideon who survives the fratricidal purge of Abimelech, the bastard son of Gideon.
Here’s why the fable works. Gideon had been offered the kingship after he’d defeated the Midianites. Well, after God struck them in a blind panic and Gideon and his handful of men mopped up. But the people wanted Gideon to rule. But Gideon said no. That, neither he, nor his sons would rule, but that, instead, God would be their king.
You see, the obvious parallels between Gideon’s life and the trees. Both were offered rulership: Gideon is the Olive, the natural choice. You would anoint the one who anoints. But if he refuses you have the Fig and the Vine which produce lovely fruit. The Fig is a proper tree and its fruit is good and healthy. The Vine, interestingly, isn’t really a tree, but its fruit is good. Alcohol was essential for clean drinking water, though it could be badly abused. All these refuse the kingship! Why?
Well, Gideon says that God should rule Israel. The trees say something very interesting. They ask if they should give up their produce to “sway over the trees”. Though most English translations say “hold sway over the trees” this doesn’t seem best. NIDOTTE lists 5 senses and rulership isn’t even close. The idea is to sway or stagger or tremble like a drunk. Keil and Deilitzsch think that the idea is that the trees are uprooted and float about swaying in the breeze. The text literally says to “sway ABOVE” them. As in overtop of them.
The point of this is that Gideon and others realized that to be king meant surrendering security and rootedness and even what you naturally love, so that you can have a position that is unsure at best. In other words, a wealthy and powerful man like Gideon or his sons have no reason to leave their productive farms and families to hold some form of ephemeral power.
The Thornbush realizes this too. He realizes that anointing a king is, in the minds of the trees, a status symbol, the trees don’t really intend to be ruled. But they want a king. Part of the irony is linguistic. The verb in Hebrew means both to BE a king and to Rule as king. The trees really just want someone to BE a king. But the Thornbush has no intention of that. He wants to RULE as King. Moreover, he commands the trees, on pain of a curse, to stoop down and relax in his thorny shade.
The symbolism is, of course, beautiful and poignant. And the lesson Jotham is trying to teach the treacherous townspeople is that you ought to be careful what you wish for. They thought that killing off Jerubbaal’s progeny would free them up to have a king who would rule them fairly and justly, but really what they wanted was someone with a crown they could boss around.
But the trees learned to their sorrow that when you anoint a king, you end up with a king. When you give someone power, it’s much more easily given than taken back. The Thornbush insists that the proud Olive, Fig, and Vine humiliate themselves by lying down among the vicious boughs. And the consequence of rebellion is utter destruction.
Fast forward to today.
Fast forward to the Pacific Northwest.
Fast forward to reality and a new age fable.
One day the people of Portland went out to anoint a king. The came first to the Lumberjack and said, “come please, be our king.” But the logger said, “Shall I give up my chainsaw so powerful to hold sway over the Portlanders?”
So the people of Portland went to the Barista and said, “come be our king.” But the Barista said, “Shall I give up my coffee so bitter and strong to hold sway over the Portlanders?”
So the people of Portland came to the Techie and said, “come be our king.” But the Techie said, “Shall I give up my money so green which is sought after by men to hold sway over the Portlanders?”
Finally, the people of Portland came to the Wokeist and said, “BE OUR KING!” And the Wokeist said, “If you really want me to rule you, then give up free speech and prepare for totalitarianism! If not, my fire come out of Antifa and burn Portland to the ground.”
OK, so it really isn’t a fable so much as a pretty accurate description of what’s happened. Portland, though other cities have done too, has over the past decades made itself a haven to the fringe of the fringe. They thought it was cool and hip to be a place that had communists. Ooh, communists, so hip, so avante garde! Cause nothing says, “I’m hip to contemporary politico-economic theory” like hanging your hat on the most busted pseudo-historical abomination to ever lead to the murder and misery of several billion people! Yeah, slavishly and stupidly following the theories of a guy who was so lazy and worthless he had to pawn his pants from and who died almost 150 years ago is really in the Zeitgeist, huh!
But, that’s what Portland did. It became a haven for the wackiest of the wacky and the kookiest of the kooks! They were so cool and counter-cultural with their stated desire to “Keep Portland Weird”. Remember back in the way back when Progressives were riding bikes and white people could have dreadlocks…ahh those were the halcyon days.
Now, Portland is pretty much just on fire.
See, the thing is, Portlanders could have chosen not to become a social experiment for Progressivism. Portland could have chosen to not tolerate riots. Portland could have chosen to not tolerate arson and murder. But they didn’t. They created a policy that gave power to Antifa and the Wokeists and the Progressive rioters. They chose a king – and now they need to rest beneath his shade.
Not only Jotham, but all throughout the Bible, God warns us that it’s very easy to give someone power. It’s very hard to get it back. Portland and Seattle and other major Progressive cites decided to crown anarchists as their kings. They got what they wanted. And I hope they’re happy, now. I really do. Cause nobody else is.
NOTES:
[i] I’m trying to draw out the increasing frustration of the trees. First they say to the Olive with an Imperative Cohortative, “come and be king over us.” As they move down from Olive to Fig and Vine the Cohortative becomes a plain Imperative “be king over us” (the “come” in vv. 10,2,4 is actually the verb “come”). Then they are no longer even talking to a tree but to a bush and they ask the bush to be the king of the trees and they give a terse command. The words “Be/ rule as King” and the Indirect Object are united by a maqqef, suggesting that as the candidate trees become more ignoble, the demand that they take authority becomes ruder or more desperate.